How about this Radio Top 40 music survey?

[AlwaysWrite]

As a music columnist, how about this for a Top 40 survey for Radio Station KSTD in Gonorrhea, Texas, and sister station KOCK in Box Canyon, Ariz. -- both at 690 ("The Big 69") on your AM dial?

1. CIRCUMCISION (The Four Skins)
2. LIP LICKER (The Pubics)
3. FIRST DIDDLE (Dick Stroker & The Tryouts)
4. CUM SOFTLY (The Ejaculators)
5. IT ONLY HURTS FOR A LITTLE WHILE (Will "Buster" Cherry)
6. LOG RHYTHM (The Math Debaters)
7. I MADE MY BROAD JUMP WHEN I POLED HER VAULT (Track Meat)
8. TRAPPED IN A BOX CANYON (The Lone Ranger)
9. TRY ME (The Gay Judges)
10. ORGAN ROCK (Harry Scrotum & The Genitals)
11. A PIECE IN THE VALLEY (The Brothers' Whore)
12. IF I HAD A RUBBER (Paul's Peter & Mary)
13. I'M IN THE NUDE FOR LOVE (Little Chilly & The Eskimos)
14. HANGING IT OUT (The Pistols)
15. SHE WAS MADE IN A BODY SHOP (The Hot Rods)
16. CUDDLING FOR CASH (Betweena Sheets)
17. CALL ME DADDY (Buster Rubber)
18. HOT DESERT TRAIL (Peter Dragalong)
19. SHOTGUN WEDDING (Tommy Testes & The Knockups)
20. SHE WAS FIRST DOWN (The Pigskin Five)
21. MY DING-A-LING IS OUT (Dick & The Zippers)
22. DON'T DROP THE SOAP (The Cornholers)
23. IT WAS A LONG SHOT BUT I GOT HER IN THE PIVOT (The Hoopsters)
24. WHO SWALLOWED THE CUM (The Sperms)
25. OEDIPUS IS BACK (The MF Trio)
26. PENIS POPSICLE (Dick & The Lickers)
27. LET ME CRAWL YOU SWEETHEART (Harry Hellgate)
28. WE ARE MASTER BAITERS (The Ferry Fishermen)
29. MENUSTRATION BOOGIE (Katie Kotex)
30. I LOST MY BALLS IN HER DUGOUT WHILE ON DECK (The "A" Rods)
31. HOLE IN THE MATTRESS (Mister Completely)
32. IF YOU BEAT MY TOM-TOM I'LL FIDDLE WITH YOU (The Chiefs)
33. COLD, COLD BOOBS (The Virgin Knockers)
34. SO LONG, CHERRY (Pierce Hymen)
35. RIGHT CLUB IN THE WRONG HOLE (Tiger & His Wedge)
36. ZIPPER RIPPER (The Gay Tailors)
37. WET DREAMS OF YOU (The Jackoffs)
38. WHO MADE THE MAID (The Hardons)
39. DREAMS OF URANUS (Hershey Highway)
40. I LAID HER CHRISTMAS BOX UNDER THE TREE (Santa's Midnight Riders)

DICK HIT OF THE WEEK: A PASS LED TO A SCORE IN HER END ZONE (The Brady Band)
FEATURED OLDIE OF THE WEEK: KNEE DEEP IN IT (The Latrine Stompers)

 

[Greg T.]

LMFAOROFPIMP!!! THAT is some funny sjit, right there, Bill!!!

 

[AlwaysWrite]

Greg T said:
LMFAOROFPIMP!!! THAT is some funny sjit, right there, Bill!!!

... and they are all Fish originals, not from any other source but my brain.

 

[Greg T.]

There could possibly be some inspiration there for parodies. I'll have to consider some of those.

 

[bbfreeburn]

The Fleetwoods did a song called "come softly". Hmmm....suspicious.

 

[AlwaysWrite]

bob freeburn said:
The Fleetwoods did a song called "come softly". Hmmm....suspicious.

... but the title of The Fleetwoods' No. 1 charter in 1959 was "Come Softly To Me."

 

[bbfreeburn]

Bill Herald said:

bob freeburn said:
The Fleetwoods did a song called "come softly". Hmmm....suspicious.

... but the title of The Fleetwoods' No. 1 charter in 1959 was "Come Softly To Me."

True, but still suspicious. I wondered (though I shouldn't have) if you would catch that.

 

[Greg T.]

There are more similarities, tho. Let Me Crawl You Sweetheart, My Ding a Ling is out, etc. I think they're meant to be parodical titles.

 

[AlwaysWrite]

Greg T said:
There are more similarities, tho. Let Me Crawl You Sweetheart, My Ding a Ling is out, etc. I think they're meant to be parodical titles.

... and how about "If I Had A Rubber" by Paul's Peter & Mary (as compared to "If I Had A Hammer" -- a No. 10 national hit for Peter, Paul & Mary in 1962)?

 

[AlwaysWrite]

bob freeburn said:
The Fleetwoods did a song called "come softly". Hmmm....suspicious.

Dear bob freeburn:
What do you mean by "suspicious"?

 

[Spider]

Nothing from Michael Jackson?

 

[AlwaysWrite]

Spider Man said:
Nothing from Michael Jackson?

No, but how about renditions of "Don't Let Your Son Go Down On Me" by Michael John or Elton Jackson?

 

[AlwaysWrite]

Stay tuned for a follow-up Top 40 survey for Radio Station KSTD in Gonorrhea, Texas, and sister station KOCK in Box Canyon, Ariz. -- both at 690 ("The Big 69") on the AM dial.

 

[AlwaysWrite]

And away we go ...

1. ORAL EXAM (Class Of '69)
2. BANG, BANG, THE GANG'S ALL HERE (The Long Train)
3. HOLY MEN COMETH (Sheshack, Meshack & Tobedwego)
4. COCK-A-DIDDLE-DO (A.M. Boner)
5. ORGY GIRL (The Sex Seekers)
6. HITTING THE JACKPOT (Seven-Cum-Eleven)
7. CHICK FILLET (Box Lunch)
8. CREAM IN MY COFFEE (Jizz)
9. BACK-DOOR MAN (The Fudge Packers)
10. CIRCUMCISION (The Four Skins)
11. POWER DUMP (The Tyrds)
12. THAR SHE BLOWS (The Captain & His Semen)
13. BEAT IT (Master Bates)
13. THE HAPPY ROMAN (Gladiator)
14. (SHE GRABBED MY BALLS IN THE ALLEY WHEN) SHE COULDN'T FIND MY PIN (Shorty Cox)
15. GETTIN' THAT FEELIN' (The Four Players)
16. TAKING EVERYTHING IN (Deep Throat)
17. BREAST FEEDING (The Milky Way)
18. HOMO HOMO ON THE RANGE (Brokeback Mountain Daredevils)
19. PENETRATION (Peter Plunge)
20. PLAYING HER JUKE BOX FOR A QUARTER (Cheap Date)
21. HANGING IT OUT (The Pistols)
22. A SQUIRT IN CIDER (Cock-Tales)
23. SPANKIN' THE MONKEY (Wanker)
24. IT ONLY HURTS FOR A LITTLE WHILE (Will "Buster" Cherry)
25. THE GRANDEST CANYON (Penis Fly Trap)
26. LOVE FOR SALE (The Glad-Night Pimps)
27. ON THE RAG (Period)
28. SHE'S MINE, ALL MINE (Mike Hunt)
29. SPITTING COBRA (Trouser Snake)
30. GONAD ROCK (Harry Scrotum)
31. PLEASE LET YOUR SON GO DOWN ON ME (Elton Jackson)
32. WHO MADE THE MAID (The Bed Spread)
33. I'M A SUCKER (Peter Eaton)
34. NOTHING COULD BE FINER THAN TO BE IN HER VAGINA IN THE MORNING (Tar Heel Dick)
35. HANGING MEAT (Baloney Pony)
36. HOOKERS ON PARADE (77 Sunset Strippers)
37. FULL MOON (The Dingleberries)
38. HER NAME WAS BETTY CROCKER BUT I COULDN'T LAYER (I.M. Hard)
39. WILDCAT'S REVENGE (Claude Balls)
40. I MADE MY BROAD JUMP WHEN I POLED HER VAULT (Track Meat)

DICK HIT OF THE WEEK: NOBEL PIECE PRIZE (Norwegian Woody)
FEATURED OLDIE OF THE WEEK: WHEN CHESTA DROPPED HER DRAWERS (Bazoom)

 

[Greg T.]

BWAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!! Holy shit, that's good stuff right there!

 

[Scolai]

So many of the male 'musician's' names could double as male porn star names. I.M. Hard? Peter Eaton?

Nice...

 

[AlwaysWrite]

... and the latest KOCK Radio breakout hit is: "Lesbian Love" by Lickety-Split.

 

[Spider]

truly "non misc" stuff.

 

[AlwaysWrite]

truly "non misc" stuff.

... but it certainly should be considered in the "off-ramp" category.