IF...

[WAMO]

TONY MONTANA HAD SAID "SAY HELLO TO MY LIL FRIEND" IN A WHORE HOUSE, WOULD HE HAVE BEEN LAUGHED OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR?

WHY DIDNT SOMEONE SLIDE A PIANO IN FRONT OF ARNOLD WHEN HE, AS A T-800, SAID "I'LL BE BOCH"?

WHY DID BUTCH AND SUNDANCE RUN OUT THAT DOOR IN MEXICO KNOWING THERE WERE A THOUSAND SOLDIERS WAITING ON THEM?

WHY IS IT IN THE MOVIE "A LEAGUE OF THIER OWN", WE DIDNT GET TO SEE MADONA MAKE OUT WITH ANY OTHER WOMAN. CUZ YOU KNOW IF ITS A TRUE STORY, THERE WAS LOTS OF THAT HAPPENING. MAYBE?

WHY IS 2 HANDED BOWLING SUCH A BIG DEAL? PEOPLE HAVE BEEN BOWLING WITH 2 HANDS FOR DECADES. UNLESS THEY ONLY HAD 1 THAT IS.

IS THERE ANY GOOD REASON YOU CANT GET A BUZZ OTHER THAN DRINKING OR DRUGS? YOU KNOW, LIKE GETTING A HUMMER OR SOMETHING...OH WAIT, NEVERMIND.

WHY IS IT WHEN I WEAR A SPEEDO TO CUT MY GRASS, EVEN MY DOG WONT LOOK AT ME?

IF I GO FISHING AND I DONT CATCH ANYTHING, SHOULD I TRY USING BAIT?

I FILLED MY TRUCK UP WITH GAS YESTERDAY, MAN AM I GLAD I HAVE ELECTRIC WINDOWS.

GOT PULLED OVER BY THE POPO TODAY. HE ASKED ME WHY I RAN THE RED LIGHT. TOLD HIM I WASNT RUNNING, I WAS DRIVING.

FRIEND OF MINE GOT ME TO TRY A MONSTER ZERO TODAY. I DONT REALLY SEE ANY DIFFERENCE.

WHY IS IT WHEN YOU TELL THE WAITRESS AT THE RESTURANT SHE IS THE HOTTEST FUCKING BABE YOU HAVE EVER SEEN, THAN SHE GETS YOU KICKED OUT? BUT NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE PAID YOUR BILL. THATS JUST MESSED UP.

TRY SOME OF YOUR OWN FOLKS.

 

[Greg T.]

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.

I just found out I'm colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible." "Well, tell him I can't see him right now."

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

 

[WAMO]

THERE YA GO! KEEP EM COMING GUYS. COME ON BRUCE, I KNOW YOU GOTS PLENTY!

 

[AlwaysWrite]

... and switching to oldies music ...

* Indiana didn't want R. Dean Taylor?
* The Angels' boyfriend didn't come back?
* The Beatles didn't see her standing there?
* Big Bopper didn't like chantilly lace?
* Mrs. Brown had an ugly daughter?
* The lion couldn't sleep tonight?
* Big Bad John didn't go back into that mine?
* Smoke didn't get in their eyes?
* The midnight train went to Alabama?
* Leo Sayer didn't feel like dancing?
* You were able to leave Hotel California?
* The Rapper didn't know what he was after?
* Eric Clapton shot the deputy?
* Leroy Brown was as mild as a kitten?
* A red ribbon was tied around the old oak tree?
* The Monkees took the first train to Clarksville?