A piss-poor wager


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Grandpa has been summoned to the IRS office to be audited, and Grandpa showed up with his lawyer.

The auditor said, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling, and frankly, we don't find that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?" And after thinking for a moment, the auditor says, "OK. Go ahead."

Grandpa says, "I'll bet you $1,000 that I can bite my own eye." And after thinking for a bit, the auditor says, "It's a bet." The auditor's jaw drops when Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

Grandpa then says, "Now, I'll bet you $2,000 that I can bite my other eye." Knowing that Grandpa obviously isn't blind, the auditor takes the bet. And after Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye, the auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost $3,000, with Grandpa's lawyer as a witness, and he starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you $6,000 that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he winds up urinating all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. Meanwhile, Grandpa's lawyer moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you OK?" the auditor asks the lawyer, who responds, "Not really. This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $25,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!"