Professor Says Australians Talk Like Drunks

[MI2AZ]

Let's get things straight about the origins of the Australian accent. Aussie-speak developed in the early days of colonial settlement from a cocktail of English, Irish, Aboriginal and German – before another mystery influence was slipped into the mix.

The Australian alphabet cocktail was spiked by alcohol. Our forefathers regularly got drunk together and through their frequent interactions unknowingly added an alcoholic slur to our national speech patterns. For the past two centuries, from generation to generation, drunken Aussie-speak continues to be taught by sober parents to their children.

The average Australian speaks to just two thirds capacity – with one third of our articulator muscles always sedentary as if lying on the couch; and that's just concerning articulation. Missing consonants can include missing "t"s (Impordant), "l"s (Austraya) and "s"s (yesh), while many of our vowels are lazily transformed into other vowels, especially "a"s to "e"s (stending) and "i"s (New South Wyles) and "i"s to "oi"s (noight).

 

[MI2AZ]

From the article:

Despite other imperfections, America's education system has a huge advantage over the Australian system that results, generally, in Americans communicating at higher levels than Australians. In fact the communication skills of most average Americans would be just below that of Australia's best speakers. It is not surprising that rhetoric is an essential part of the American education system.