Someone in the family is cheating on their spouse, when is it your business?

[Trash Heap]

Curious what others think on this. You know someone is cheating on their spouse. What circumstance would you feel comfortable bringing it up to the spouse?

Good Friend, Acquaintance, Best Friend?

How about when it comes to family, is there a line?

Do you tell your brother/sister if their the one being cheated on? What if they are doing the cheating?

What if it is a cousin or uncle?

This was a subject brought up in conversation, and it got interesting, thought I would bring it up on the site.

My view is kind of mind your own business. However, if saw my Best Friend's or Sister's Spouse with another person I think I would let them know.

 

[Greg T.]

My lips would be sealed. Here's why. You KNOW that sooner or later it would be resolved, they would be back together, the spouse and the culprit would end up hating YOU for the problem. Mouth shut and let it play out.

 

[Good Times Good Times]

I can't disagree with Greg necessarily.......but if it were "I" being cheated on, it would certainly be my wish to be told. I couldn't blame someone later for telling me objective fact.

I don't think you'd be a fool for staying quiet......but if you did choose to speak up, I'd at least have some evidence so that the issue wouldn't be so much with me (it will anyways b/c emotions are involved over logic) as it is with the evidence itself. The evidence SOMEWHAT removes you from the issue.

Somewhat of a "damned if you do" / "I'm not obeying the Golden Rule" (again, the way GTGT lives) spot. Difficult for sure.

 

[bbfreeburn]

My bridge partner has been "cheating" on his wife for over 35 years. I use quotes because the wife has been aware of it for nearly as long. The subject has never been raised with either him or her, nor shall it be. It seems to be working for the both of them, so why say a word?

 

[Robadat]

Personally, I would not say anything unless directly asked and I would not lie to cover it up if asked. I'm also the type of person that does not really care to know what someone else is up to in their personal lives, that's their business, not mine. So most likely, unless it's really an "in your face" type of affair, I probably wouldn't know about it.

 

[9andaWiggle]

Let it fly! Preferably at the Thanksgiving table, or now, perhaps at Christmas dinner. Sit back with a nice eggnog and enjoy the fireworks! It ain't a good holiday gathering if a fight don't break out!

Seriously, though, I don't know there's an answer set in stone. It would depend on who it was, what I knew, how I felt they would react/what I thought they would want me to do. Every person/situation is different.

 

[Greg T.]

You tell, they split. The reconcile, she HATES you, and you've just lost a friend.

 

[Spider]

What if the bitch brought home the HIV and you had stayed quiet?

 

[Greg T.]

What if the bitch brought home the HIV and you had stayed quiet?

Nobody's business.

 

[sevenpin63]

Keep your nose in your own business.

UNLESS its life threatening, mind your own business.

 

[WAMO]

KIND OF AGREE WITH WHAT ROB SAID. IF ASKED I WOULDNT LIE. AND G, IF YOUR FRIEND GOT MAD AT YOU FOR TELLING HIM THE TRUTH, WHO NEEDS THAT KIND OF FRIEND. NOT ME. AND SPIDER, IF MY FRIEND KNEW SHE HAD HIV AND HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING, AFTER VISITING HER, HIS WOULD BE THE NEXT DOOR I KNOCKED ON. BUT, IF YOUR GOING TO PLAY, SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO PAY.

 

[Greg T.]

KIND OF AGREE WITH WHAT ROB SAID. IF ASKED I WOULDNT LIE. AND G, IF YOUR FRIEND GOT MAD AT YOU FOR TELLING HIM THE TRUTH, WHO NEEDS THAT KIND OF FRIEND. NOT ME. AND SPIDER, IF MY FRIEND KNEW SHE HAD HIV AND HE DIDNT SAY ANYTHING, AFTER VISITING HER, HIS WOULD BE THE NEXT DOOR I KNOCKED ON. BUT, IF YOUR GOING TO PLAY, SOMETIMES YOU GOT TO PAY.

That's not the point, tho. I've seen these things happen. The girl will win every time. You tell on her, she's pissed, (even tho you're friends thanks you), they split up and you think all is good. Well, they get back together, the girl still hates you and forbids the guy from hanging with you ever again. Had you kelpt your mouth shut, he probably would have found out by himself anyway, all would have been fine.

 

[WAMO]

IF THAT WERE TO HAPPEN, AND I RAN INTO THEM SOMEWHERE, MY GREETING WOULD BE "WHATS UP G!" AND "HOW YOU DOIN BITCH!". IF MY FRIEND FELT SO LITTLE OF HIMSELF THAT HE NEEDED A WOMAN THAT CHEATS ON HIM, THATS HIS BAD, NOT MINE.

 

[Greg T.]

IF THAT WERE TO HAPPEN, AND I RAN INTO THEM SOMEWHERE, MY GREETING WOULD BE "WHATS UP G!" AND "HOW YOU DOIN BITCH!". IF MY FRIEND FELT SO LITTLE OF HIMSELF THAT HE NEEDED A WOMAN THAT CHEATS ON HIM, THATS HIS BAD, NOT MINE.

You're right about that. All I'm saying is that you keep the friend by keeping shut.

 

[Good Times Good Times]

You're right about that. All I'm saying is that you keep the friend by keeping shut.

Greg, this is a legit question: Is it really a friend to begin with if it would choose a cheater over your honest friendship? If my wife was having an affair and I had friends/family that just provided me evidence......I don't see how I'd be mad at the person advocating on my behalf. And if you tell me, and I get back together with here and hate you (b/c she "MADE" me, lolz), was I EVER your friend?

I'm not disputing that what you have said would likely happen, and happen often, but I'm getting to the next level here.

 

[Greg T.]

Greg, this is a legit question: Is it really a friend to begin with if it would choose a cheater over your honest friendship?

I'm not disputing that what you have said would likely happen, and happen often, but I'm getting to the next level here.

Believe me, I've seen many times where friends...GOOD friends get split up by a woman. The guy will take the side of the woman about 99% of the time. I speak with experience on this one. I had a friend I grew up with. Together thru thick and thick thin, all the way from kindergarten up until about 15 years ago. (I'm now 62.) I mentioned something that was not proper with his wife, something I KNEW. They fought, split, we were good and he thanked me for alerting him. 3 months later they're back together, she hates me (even tho WE were good friends) and I have not seen him since. I'm telling you, the guy will take the woman's side every time.

 

[Good Times Good Times]

Believe me, I've seen many times where friends...GOOD friends get split up by a woman. The guy will take the side of the woman about 99% of the time. I speak with experience on this one. I had a friend I grew up with. Together thru thick and thick thin, all the way from kindergarten up until about 15 years ago. (I'm now 62.) I mentioned something that was not proper with his wife, something I KNEW. They fought, split, we were good and he thanked me for alerting him. 3 months later they're back together, she hates me (even tho WE were good friends) and I have not seen him since. I'm telling you, the guy will take the woman's side every time.

I can only speak for myself but I do feel I'm the minority.

But like I was saying, how good of a friend could he be if he's willing to be with a woman like that (who apparently is an adulterer) and completely disown a friend? I'm not disputing what happens in reality, I'm talking philosophically. I wouldn't consider this type of person (one who'll abandon you for an adulterer) a friend.

 

[Good Times Good Times]

Furthermore, if we're friends, and you know my wife is sleeping around on me but you don't tell me for fear of losing our friendship, are you my friend? That is some pretty critical info I'd certainly like to know and would be pissed that someone held that info out on me.

 

[Good Times Good Times]

What I'm saying is I just find "the guy will take the woman's side every time" bizarre when the woman has proven to break vows.....

Again, not disputing it but I just find it bizarre.

 

[Greg T.]

What I'm saying is I just find "the guy will take the woman's side every time" bizarre when the woman has proven to break vows.....

Again, not disputing it but I just find it bizarre.

I can understand your pov. It's a judgment call. For me, if I had to do it al over again I'd keep my yap shut. By now he would have found out anyway and I'd still have my pal.